Chapter 3

Practising my smile in the mirror whilst i get dressed i can't help but to stare at myself. Who am i kidding? Look at me, i'm a middle aged man who's going out with the people i haven't been with for about 15 years. They've re formed and got to know one another all over again. Maybe i should just drop it now they're better without me. Gary invited me and the boys round his house tonight for a get together doing a bit of writing here and there. I'm not good at sticking to one thing, so how can i concentrate on being in a studio pretty much everyday? It's going to be harder than writing alone. Being solo means i decide when and if i want to go in the studio...being in a band means there's four other voices deciding. A buzzing sound snaps me from my daze. My phone vibrates on the table i take a deep breath before picking it up. "Hello?"
"Hiya Rob!" I'm greeted by Mark's cheerful voice on the other end of the phone. How do i tell him? That once again i'm letting not only myself, but the four of them down too. "I was wondering when you're getting down here? Are you ok with the directions?"
"I can't do this..." Swallowing hard i hold back the tears. I'm just a big let down. Why did they even bother speaking to me again after all i've done to them? "I'm sorry Mark..."
"Huh? We're only going to be sat round Gary's he's bought food and drinks in for us all."
"I mean.. the band Mark... i can't do it... i'm just going to let you all down again."
There's silence for a couple of seconds on the other end of the phone. "Are you busy? Can't you fit it around your schedule?"
"No..it's not that...."
"It'll take about 30 days to write this record... which means 30 days of you being in the studio with us..."
"I...I know... i mean was there any point of me coming back? You all seem to be getting along great together and with me coming back then... i guess i'm just going to be the extra piece... a good sum of the Take That fans won't want me back after what happened will they?"
"Rob... that was the past what happened in the past stays in the past. We have loyal fans surly they would of been expecting this, and who wouldn't want the old band back together having fun again... honestly do you want to do it Rob? Not thinking about us or the fans, but do you personally want to do it?" He has a point... a good point indeed. Mark's always been good with words speaking sense he gives me confidence i need.

"Y...Yeah i want to do it..."
"Have you got 30 days spare? Of you being in the studio."
"Y...Yeah i've got 30 days spare." Clearly my throat a little a take another look at myself seeing if i'm ready and good enough.
"Great let's do it then! I'll see you soon." Mark's voice lightens up again. He truly is one of the best friend's i've ever had. Can't say a bad word about him.
"See you later..." We both hang up i grab my coat using my mobile to dial a taxi. I'm ready.
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The taxi drops me outside of Gary's house. I kind of expected it to look like this. His house is huge hiding behind two electronic metal gates. Pressing my finger on the bell which is fixed to the wall's post a voice speaks. "Hello?" A strong Mancunian voice answers.
"Hiya Gaz it's Rob." Smiling to myself once i hear his voice.
"Ayup mate! Come up." The gates slowly come open enough for me to walk through. Taking my time i walk up his path to his front door, the wind blows in my face causing my hair to stick up a little almost like Jedward's. He has such a beautiful house wish i lived here instead of my crappy little flat where i can hardly move... Before i get chance to knock the door comes open. Gary stands in front of me with his typical half smile spread on his face. "Good evening sir."
"Mr Barlow." I smile walking a little closer. Gary stretches his arms out once i reach the doorstep pulling me into a friendly hug. Returning the hug i rest my chest against his shoulder smelling his after shave. We hug each other for a couple of minutes and for some reason i didn't want it to end. For the first time in ages i felt warm...i felt safe. Slowly Gary slides his arms away from my contact standing against his door a little to let me in. "Are the others here?" I ask taking off my coat and shoes. There's some chatter coming from the living room area, but that could just be the tv.

"Ah yes... Markie arrived first of course... Doug and Jay haven't been here that long." Gary closes his front door and hangs up my coat. He guides me to his living room past all the framed golden records on the wall. I didn't think the band had so many! I've never really seen them before it's been that long. "We've got a visitor."
As soon as i enter the room all eyes are on me. "Rob!" Mark grins with a wine glass clenched in his fist.
"Hiya mate."
"What happened?" Howard asks whilst i make my way over to one of the empty sofas.
"To my hair? I don't know." Laughing a little as i sit down. The smell of food coming from the kitchen swirls around my nostrils making my stomach rumble. I haven't eaten all day.
"I think it rocks." Jason grins giving me a little wink whilst pouring himself yet another strong alcoholic drink. Sadly i can't join in with the drinking party like the other lads. I'm a recovering alcoholic who hasn't had a drink for around 10 years and i'm not going to change that.
"Thanks man."
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After a couple hours of the lads drinking sending me into a hyper state with them it's clear to say they're pretty much off their heads. Well Mark especially. "WE'RE OFF OUR FUCKING HEADS SHIT AAAHH" We all shout bursting into fits of laughter. We did start writing for a few minutes the only line we thought of was although no one understood we were holding back the flood. Jason's fallen asleep on the sofa his mouth parted and the half poured wine still in his glass which remains in his hand. Howard started to do some break dancing... he got the break right after smashing one of Gary's photo frames which contained him and Elton arm in arm back in the 90's. After a good telling off by a tipsy Gary, Howard crashed out on the floor beside the sofa Jason is asleep. Mark lays face first curled up at the corner of the sofa snoring.

That left me and Gary. "Tonight's been ace Gaz!" I take a handful of Minsterals which are in a bowl on the coffee table in front of me.
"Sure has... glad you decided to come round Rob... wouldn't of been the same without you." Gary pats my shoulder his eyes are a little red from tiredness and alcohol. "I've missed this..." He looks around his messy living room smiling at each of us.
"Me too... i haven't laughed this much in ages... and being with you guys have brought the fun back into my life again." Giving a cheesy smile at Gary i can't help but stare a little. What a good looking man. I'm not surprised millions gay and straight have fallen for him.
"N'arwww you big softy." Tightly he pulls me into a hug hiccuping in my ear at the same time. "Whoops." I brush my finger tips against his back during the hug causing him to sigh happily. Once we let go again capturing eye contact for a couple of seconds.

Loud snores from the end of the room stops our little daze. "Bloody 'ell Marko." Gary laughs falling against me a little.
"How can someone so small make so much noise??" Giggling a little i wrap my arm around Gary's shoulder allowing him to rest against my chest. "Want a coffee, Gaz?" Looking down at the head resting on my chest i notice his eyes have closed. "Gaz?" He doesn't move instead he begins to snore softly. Smiling to myself i lay flat on the sofa letting him become comfier using my chest as pillow. He snuggles up to me rubbing his cheek against my chest snoring. "Night Gaz..." My hand gently rakes through his fluffy blond hair making it a little messier. For a moment i feel different... i feel happy for the first time in years almost like i found the light at the end of my dark tunnel. What is this light? Studying Gary's face i stroke his stubbled cheek where a faint smile forms at the corners of his mouth.  Never in all my life have i been this close to Gary Barlow we've fallen out for years, and now he's asleep on my chest. Gently i press my lips against his forehead which sends electrical signals through my whole body. That felt good. Really good. Unable to control my actions i move to his lips barely making contact with one anothers we slightly brush together which increases my heart rate. Tasting the remaining alcohol from his lips. Abruptly i pull away as far away from his face as possible. Did i just kiss him? Why did i just kiss him?! Could it be? Is.... Gary Barlow the light to my tunnel?