Chapter 16

Gary's POV

"Sit down, Gaz...please..." The colour fades from Robbie's face, as it begins to fill with nerves. Not taking my eyes from the younger male, i take a seat onto the sofa, where seconds later Robbie decides to join me. Studying his face i get a sense of guilt.
"It was one of the lads...wasn't it? I should of known...You and Mark have always been close the first time around..."
Robbie frowns his eyebrows, but not looking surprised with my answer. "What? No... of course it's not Mark."
"Well if it wasn't Mark then who? Howard? Jason? Or maybe it was a drunken foursome... it wouldn't surprise me..."
"Wow... thanks, Gaz...make me feel better about it why don't you, and no it wasn't a foursome with any of the lads."
Sighing softly i take Robbie's hands in mine. "...I didn't mean that... sorry...please go on?" Swallowing hard he takes a deep breath, whilst firmly closing his eye lids together.
"It was about 19 years ago... we were performing 'Do What You Like' after the meet and greet...remember?"
Rising my eyebrows i keep his hands in mine. "Erm...vaguely...that was quite sometime ago though..."
"Yes...it was...but memories don't leave you..." Judging by Robbie's face, i can tell this is hurting him, but it's good that he trusts me enough to tell me. "...Anyway... you lot had just finished getting dressed...well apart from Howard he decided to go back home wearing the cod piece and leathers...typical." He laughs nervously. "...Before the gig at the meet and greet...i got talking to one of the girls there, so we decided to meet up after the gig... you know...once you four had left, i was alone in the changing rooms...well i thought i was." Thinking for a second he clenches his teeth together."...S...sorry...i can't do this..." Like a rabbit in head lights Robbie begins to panic, as the memories come flooding back into his mind.
"Rob...i'm here...i'm here to support you...i wont judge you...ever... don't keep it locked up in your mind..." Circling my thumbs over his hands he watches them, trying to calm back down.
"W...well... i was packing away...until... until i heard that voice. Every time i was to hear it, i felt like punching his lights out."

Searching Robbie's face for answers i hold his hands tighter. "W..who?"
Not finding enough courage to look me in the eyes, he keeps them focus on our hands. "N...Nigel..." He replies with a bitter tone. It takes a few minutes until i'm able to speak again from the shock.
"N...Nigel...it was Nigel?!"
"...Sort of...i guess...probably... no..." Robbie shrugs his shoulders pulling his hands back into his lap.
"You're not making sense? You just said it was Nigel, now you're saying it's not? Robbie this isn't a joke, did he hurt you?"
"He always hurt me, didn't he?"
I hold my hands against my head, tenderly massaging my aching temples. "That doesn't have anything to do with what we're talking about... who was the guy you had your first time with? If i know him just say... if you want any kind of relationship i want you to be honest with me..."
"You don't know him... i don't think you do..."
"Right... so who was it? What was his name...?" My hands remain attached to my face, whilst i try and pay attention to Robbie's complicated story.
"I...I...I don't know..." Bowing his head in shame, he breathes a deep sigh.
"Oh i give up... if you're not going to be honest with me then i'm not sticking around here anymore." Standing to my feet i march over to the living room door.
"He hurt me Gary!" Robbie calls behind me before i get chance to reach for the door handle. "...N...Nigel's...it was Nigel's friend... they...they forced me...both of them... Nigel left me with him...and that's when the guy...he...he... " Failing to hold back the tears any longer, Robbie heavily sobs against his hands.

Blinking my eyes a few times, i turn on my heels, making my way back over to the sofa. "Oh...Oh...Rob...come here..." Wrapping an arm around him tightly, i rest his head against my chest where he continues to cry. "...I'm so..so sorry..." Seeing Robbie hurt brings sadness to my heart, and anger. "...I wish you told me back then...did you tell any of the lads...?"
"N...No...of...of course i didn't... Nigel was our manager...i couldn't grass his mate up could i? I'd be out of a job... as much as i hated the first time around, i had no choice but to keep hold of it... and it wasn't really a thing to talk about was it...? God i'm pathetic... bawling my eyes out in front of you...i'm sorry...for everything... i understand if you walk away...i really do..."
Shaking my head a little annoyed with his response, i run my fingers through his sweaty fringe. "Never have i thought that you're pathetic...and especially not after hearing this... you're a strong man, Robbie... keeping this to yourself after all these years... i promise you that whilst i'm walking this earth no one, and i mean no one is ever going to lay a finger on you again...i love you Robbie...i'm going to protect you...i... i want to spend my life with you..." Gently i kiss his forehead, before pulling him into my arms, rocking him against my chest. I don't care how long it's been since the day it happened...neither of them are going to get away with doing that to Robbie... Even if Nigel wasn't the one who did it... He still played a part in it...