Chapter 9

{A week had passed since Gary let his emotions go in front of Robbie for the first time. Still feeling unsure about his feelings Gary's decided to invite Robbie out for dinner...just the two of them. The new Take That album is partly written since the talk Robbie's recorded all of his parts... well of course he has he wants to get on Gary's good side especially over the fact they could now possibly have a relationship... Although Gary has some 'secrets' of his own to tell Robbie over dinner finally finding the courage to do so after all these years....}

Shit i'm running late! Knocking back my coffee it burns my tongue which causes me to spill it down my clean white ironed shirt. "This can't be happening!" Hearing the sound of a car bleep outside completely knocks me off guard whilst bending down to reach for another shirt from my pile of clothes i hit the side of my head against the coffee table. "OUCH!" I call out gripping above my eyebrow which begins to drip with blood. Why is everything going wrong? Tonight of all nights! The car horn sounds again without bothering to iron the new shirt i quickly throw it on myself along with half a roll of toilet paper for my wound. Taking a sharp intake of air i lock my door before jogging down the corridor to find Gary outside.

What feels like i've just run down a hundred flights of stairs i finally reach the bottom feeling the cold crisp air blow against my flushed cheeks. Gary sits outside the block of flats in a black Audio drumming his fingers against the staring wheel. He's smartly dressed seeing him wearing a black suit jacket, black tie and smart white shirt. Great. Bet he's going to love going on a date with a scruff. Why am i even bothering what chance do i have with Gary... Gary Barlow of all men. Turning on my heels i head back inside the entrance of the flats, until i hear a voice call which stops me. "Rob! Come on lad." Peering over to where the voice sounds from, Gary leans out of the drivers side of the car door grinning in my direction. That grin alone sends shivers through my whole body.
"O...Oh hi Gaz... i was just going to get changed... i dropped coffee on my other shirt... and well..."
"Don't be daft you look fine. Get in or we're going to be late." I can't help but to smile. No matter what's been said in the past week Gary's a great person when you're feeling down he boosts your confidence up when it's needed.

I open the door of the passenger side before sitting down. "How are-.... jeeez what happened to your head?!" Gary turns the side of my head looking at the deep graze i made on the coffee table just minutes ago.
"Ow..." I whimper from the bruised skin being touched by Gary's finger. "I....dropped coffee down myself... then the car horn made me jump...whilst bending down..."

"Oh gosh Rob... This is all my fault.. I thought you'd fallen asleep that's why I was pressing my horn... Are you feeling ok?" Seeing the concern and smudge of worry showing on Gary's face warms my stomach.
"I'm fine...much better...now..." Gently i move my hand on top of his which rests on the side of my face. Neither of us move out of contact for about a minute.
 "S..Should..we...erm...get going?" Gary nervously pulls his hand from my face and back onto the staring wheel.
"Yes..."
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It took longer than I thought, but it sure looks worth it. I'm definitely under dressed for this it's like a place where Elton John would throw a party. "Erm...won't people see us? Together?" I raise my eyebrow watching Gary get out of the car handing the keys over to a younger gentleman.
"So what if they do? Two friends having dinner together isn't a crime." He shrugs off a wink to me and a half smile. Feeling a little silly i also get out of the car walking over to Gary. Both of his thumbs are rested into his pockets he almost looks like a magazine clothing model. My palm begins to twitch demanding for Gary's touch against it. He slings a weightless arm over my shoulder as we start to make our way inside. Even though this is just a friendly dinner to have a chat over a meal i still class it as a date in my mind.

Once we get inside a waiter instantly shows us to our table. Beautiful view onto the gardens outside which the chandelier shines against the window lighting up the whole of it. "Wow... impressive Mr Barlow... i must admit." Glancing around the room i notice a few familiar faces like Dermot O'Leary who's sitting at a table the opposite side of the room with his wife engaged in conversation.
"I use to go here a few years back. It's a bit more private no paps lurking around." Gary hangs his suit jacket over the back of the chair whilst reaching for a menu. "So what do you fancy to eat?" Wiping a few formed sweat droplets from my forehead with my thumb i hold back my thought of 'i wouldn't mind eating you', but sadly Gary's not on the menu tonight.
"Erm.. just something light... not really hungry ..." Mumbling softly to myself i scroll down the menu. The main reason why i came along today was to talk not to eat, and with the thought of what Gary's going to say makes me nervous putting me off eating anyway.
"Come on mate it's my treat. You like steak right? I think i might have the steak they do it just how i like it here." Gary waves the waiter over.
"But i-" There's no point in arguing it's too late Gary's already ordered. Besides there's no need arguing about food we've got better things to talk about.

 "So...?" Playing with the neatly placed napkin sitting in front of me i run my index finger and thumb against it acting like a shy school girl. Gary clears his throat pouring himself a glass of vintage red wine sitting in an ice bucket beside our table.
"Do you want a drink?" He points to the bottle of fizzy water next to him on the table.
"It's ok i can do it..." Reaching out for the bottle our hands touch one anothers. The warmth coming from the top of his hand completely knocks out the coldness of the bottle. My hand sits peacefully over Gary's for at least 5 seconds until he pulls away, anxiously looking around at the other tables. Ignoring his reaction i pour myself half a glass of fizzy water before sipping it to hide my thoughts. He really needs to have more confidence.
"How...how are you?" Gary finally breaks the silence, as the food arrives. Wow. Is this for the five thousand or just for me and Gary? Different colours of vegetables fill the plate like a paint pallet, also the side of the plate is a small scoop of mash potato, and finally in the centre sits a sizzling steak which spits a little onto my shirt feeling a twinge of hot oil soak through it and onto my skin.
"N...not bad.... you?" Blinking a few times still surprised at the amount of food sitting in front of me i drain the last of my water.

Gary shrugs stabbing his fork into the steak controlling the hissing which it releases. "Been better i suppose... heads a bit foggy, but it's understandable."
"What do you mean? Is it my fault?" A slight nudge of guilt enters my body. Gary looks knackered maybe i've been playing around with his head making him lose sleep.
"Don't be silly course not... i mean... i over think... a lot... ask Mark..."
"Mark easily picks up on these things... do you want to talk about them at all?" Cutting a piece of the steak i place it into my mouth. A range of flavours fill my mouth. It's perfectly cooked just the way i like it medium rare.
"Well.... that's the point of this dinner...." Gary almost hums the words as plays around with the vegetables on his plate. For some reason his facial expression tells me he's lost his appetite.
"Oh... well... i'm all ears."
Gary takes a quiet sharp in take of breath before resting his fork at the side of the plate laying his chin onto his hands. "I haven't been... entirely honest... with you anyway..."
"What do you mean by that? I have done something to upset you again?"
"Rob please... just stop.... stop making out you're the bad guy... you haven't done anything." It feels like Gary's words glue my lips together.
"S...sorry.... please explain?" I continue eating my food as an excuse to stop me from annoying Gary with my apologises every five seconds.
"The whole me and you thing... you must of realised... things about me the first time around..." Confusion feels my face by what he's trying to hint at.
"I...I don't understand?"

Rubbing his finger tips against his eyelids, Gary searches for the right words with rest on the tip of his tongue. "Rob... don't play games... i don't have the patience for these sort of things."
"Gary...i...i'm being serious i don't understand what you're talking about? Sure we got along the first time around even though we had our disagreements which spiralled out of control, but anyone-"
"I don't mean that." Gary cuts in. "The songs... the songs i wrote... the songs i wrote.... about... about you..." He swallows hard burying his face into his palms. For a moment i sit there watching him breath steadily into his hands hiding his face from embarrassment. Gary wrote songs... about me? Since when?!
"W...what?"
"You're really telling me you never knew? It was clear they were about you Rob... everything i did was about or for you..."

Words fail to leave my lips from shock. Am i really hearing this? Or am i only hearing what i want to hear? "I never...erm... re...really?" Pushing away my half eaten plate suddenly like Gary, i've lost my appetite.
"Pathetic really... Howard asked a few times who they were about, but i was  22 years old... i wasn't going to admit i had feelings for another guy... especially not my band mate..." He sighs hiding his face against his hands again i can feel the tension and pressure he's feeling it's that strong you can almost cut it with a knife.
"F...feelings....for me? You had feelings for me?! Why didn't you tell me?!" I reply with a slight annoyance in my voice. After all these years Gary's been feeling the exact same i've felt about him. Yet he chose to ignore it for the protection of his embarrassment and image.
"You were the cool one in the band. I was the geeky stuck up one who got everything he wanted and got everything to go his way. If i told you this at the time i had the feeling you would laugh in my face 'the gay fat blond lead singer of the band' would be plastered all over the papers wouldn't he? Mentally i couldn't go through with that... i would of walked away from the band... changed my name or something. Live a new life completely.
"Wow..." My eyes stretch from what Gary's said. Does he really think i'm that shallow? That hurtful to him? Yes i've said some unforgivable things about him in the past, but never would i laugh at him for having the same thoughts about me. Even if i didn't feel the same way i wouldn't of acted like that. "I... i don't what to say..."
"Not like you to be speechless..." He tries to pull off a joke trying to break the tension which continues to fill the room coming from the pair of us. "If you want to leave... you can... just seriously forget what i've said tonight... i blame the wine."
"You always blame the wine... you've only had a glass...even if you was drunk... they say people are more honest that way... i guess you're like that without drinking yourself into an oblivion...we should of been honest with one another... who knew what things could of been like now if we were..."
"Yeah..." Softly a smile appears onto Gary's face also a hint of regret shows. It's like a ray of light at the end of a dark tunnel seeing his smile, finally i start to feel more relaxed again seeing it.
"Would you like a-" Before i get chance to fill his glass the wine bottle slides out of my hand from the icy water which causes me to drop it into Gary's lap. Instantly he jumps out of his seat patting down the droplets of wine which run down his trousers. "Shit, shit, shit... i'm sorry Gaz!" Quickly i grab our napkins dabbing his trousers whist i kneel in front of him. Gary just stands there watching me try my best at attempting to stop the wine from staining his trousers. Slowly my eyes travel up to his face whilst i remain on my knees.
"W...Would you like to go home?" He speaks calmly faintly brushing off a smile as he looks down into my eyes. Biting my lip slightly i scrunch up the red wine stained napkin replying with a nod.