Chapter 27

Robbie's POV

Skimming my fingertips across the man's face who is still sound asleep in my arms, quietly i breathe a sigh of happiness. Carefully i plant a kiss tenderly onto his collar bone, nuzzling my nose against his neck where i inhale his scent. His scent has never changed. I still feel that this is all a fantasy, me being in a relationship with Gary that is, as cheesy as it sounds. A good few years back me and Gary weren't the best of friends, mainly to do with the fact of me verbally abusing him due to my suffering. I loved him, of course i did, but i was hurting and i wanted him to feel my pain. To be honest before going into rehab i didn't think i would survive to see another year, but here i am and happier than what I've ever been in my life and its mainly down to this man here. Lightly i brush the back of my hand against his stubble. Getting lost in my own little world, instantly i am brought back down to reality, as the door swings open. "Rob, I've got your-"
"Sssshh..." Bringing my finger to my lips, i hush the male who's marched into my room carrying a shopping bag in his hand. Howard stops in his actions, noticing Gary still curled up in my arms.
"Oh...soz, mate." Tip toeing into the room, quietly he places the bag on the floor. "Has he been there all night?"
Nodding my head, my fingers still continue to stroke his messy looking hair. "Yeah...was shattered, bless him."
Taking a step closer, Howard looks Gary deeply in the face whilst he remains in the same position. "Are you sure that's all it is...?" He asks, sounding concerned. Furrowing my eyebrows into his direction, slowly i lose eye contact with the older man, as i glance down at Gary's face.
"W...What do you mean...?"
"Look at him, Rob. Look how pale his face is and that redness under his eyes. Sure everything's OK between the pair of you...? Has he said anything?"

Blinking my eyes a couple of times, i stare at Gary's face before speaking again. "He told me he was worried about me... that was all... i guess that's why he looked so tired? I do look after him...i mean i probably don't do a good enough job but-"
"No, no. I didn't mean it like that, Rob. I was just concerned seeing him like that. You're probably right. I mean of course he's going to be worried about you ending up here, we all are and i don't blame him for hardly sleeping or not sleeping at all. Just so you know, we are always here for either of you."
Swallowing hard, i continue to watch over Gary, holding him tighter in my arms. "T...Thanks mate...means a lot." Forcefully i smile. "Where's the other two?"
"Oh, well the thing is...Jay didn't go back to his room last night."
"He didn't? Where did he go or stay even?"
Howard shrugs, whilst plonking down into the chair beside the bed, which Gary's shorts are neatly placed over the arm rest. "No idea. When he left yesterday, that was the last time me and Mark saw him. Was kinda hoping Gary was awake to tell us that he spoken to him at all, he's a grown man i know, but still there's that worry in the back of your mind."
"I know what you mean, mate. To be honest...it does sound weird, especially after the way he walked out yesterday. Gary didn't mention anything when he came back, so i doubt he did. Then again you know what Jay's like when he's on holiday..." Playfully i wink.
"Yer...i know that...just wish he wouldn't, you know? A simple text to one of us would be nice. Markie said he would let me know if he-" Howard's sentence is cut off by the sound of faint mumbling. Both of our eyes are drawn to the figure laying in the bed next to me.
"No...don't...please..." Gary begins to move his head gently against the pillow.

"Ayup. Someone's dreaming." Quietly Howard sniggers, as Gary starts to stir in his sleep.
"P...P...please...don't do this..." Groaning in his sleep, Gary's words start to become clearer. It sounds as if he's having a nightmare?
"Gaz?" Lightly i shake him, until Howard stops me.
"I wouldn't wake him, Rob." Now whispering, we continue to watch Gary's increased movements and pained looking facial expressions. "You're not suppose to wake them, are you?"
"You...can't do this...I'm begging you...begging..." For some reason, Gary has started to breathe in a strange way. His chest rises only half way, as the sound of deep breathing leaves his mouth, almost as if he's just ran a marathon none stop.
"We can't leave him like it though? Look at him!" Starting to panic, i take Gary's hand in mine allowing him to squeeze it.
"R...R...Rob?!"
"Gaz? Wake up. You're having a bad dream." Sitting myself up in the bed, Gary digs his finger nails deeply into my hand, turning his knuckles white in an instant.
"Don't...no...i can't watch...get off him! Get off him! Rob!" His cries turn into yells, until finally his body shoots up vertically. Sweat drips from his forehead whilst panting for his breath back, as his eyes look at each one of us with blown pupils.
"G...G...Gary? Are you OK?" Placing my hand onto his back, immediately he flinches by the unexpected feel of it.
"Uh?!"
"Shhhh...you had a bad dream...that's all...are you OK?"
Looking vague, his eyes latch onto the monitor which has been switched off. "Erh...i...I'm...fine.."
"Sure, mate? Sounded like a pretty nasty dream did that. Wanna talk about it?" Howard scratches his chin, looking even more concerned about Gary than what he did before.
"I just said I'm fine didn't i?!" Gary snaps suddenly, whilst wiping the band of sweat from his face. Me and Howard look at one another with blank expressions. Words fail to leave my lips, maybe there is something wrong with Gary? Something he isn't telling me? Gently i continue to stroke his back in silence.

-------------------

Gary's POV


"Are you sure you're OK, Rob? No more dizziness?" Helping the taller man into his hotel room, i sit him down onto one of the kitchen stools.
"I'm perfectly fine, Gaz. It was the sun, i usually get dizzy when i spend a fair amount of time in it. Nothing to worry about, honest."
I place his bag back into his bedroom, before making my way back into the kitchen where Robbie continues to sit, admiring my movements. "Would you like a drink? I think Mark left a few things in 'ere?"
"Would love one. Ay, nick me some of Mark's apple juice. He'll never finish the thing and I've got a sort of craving for it." He rubs his stomach whilst licking his lips.
"Didn't tell me you were pregnant?" Jokingly i tease him. "How many months?"
"Well by the size of my stomach, I'd say... well over 8 months."
"Oi!" Placing the glass and carton onto the table, lightly i tap him on the arm. "I was joking."
"I know, i know... but losing a bit of weight couldn't hurt, right?"
"You don't need to lose any weight, Rob. You need to keep rested." Undoing the carton, i fill the glass half way with the golden coloured liquid.
"Who knows...maybe exercise could be...er...fun..." Cheekily he pinches my bum, which manages to catch me off guard, causing me to spill some of the apple juice onto the work top.
"Rob..."
"I've missed you, Gaz. I mean... we've got this room all to ourselves, now that Mark's moved into your room...could take a bit of advantage of it..."
Swallowing dryly, i reach for the dish cloth, until Robbie takes a firm grip to my wrist. "Rob...not now."

Still leaving his hand wrapped around my wrist, preventing any movement, he studies my face. "...What's going on, Gaz?"
"N...nothing? I'm just not in the mood. That's all."
"No. I didn't mean just that. I mean your mood... especially in the hospital. You've barely spoken." Silence fills the room again, as my eyes drop to my feet. "See! You're doing that look again."
"I'm not doing any look." Snatching my wrist back, i move towards the sink, where my hands rest onto each side of it. This whole Jason thing is really eating me up. It didn't help either before leaving the hospital today with Howard questioning me whether or not I've spoken to him since yesterday. Maybe Howard's in on it too? Mark also...it wouldn't surprise me... they are the gossipers of the band...can't leave those three alone sometimes. A pair of hands wrap around me, resting onto my stomach which stops my thoughts.
"Sorry..." Quietly a pair of lips whisper against my ear. "I just care about you...that's all."
Sighing softly, i drop my head backwards slightly, allowing Robbie to press his lips against my neck. "I know you do, but i wish you wouldn't. You're the one who needs the looking after..." Moving one of my hands backwards, a finger presses up his shirt, stroking his bare skin which creates goosebumps onto his torso. "I'm being a childish git aren't i?"
"Never, Gaz. You're tired out...Me and Howard didn't help you today either, questioning you and everything."
"Its fine...forget it. I mean... Jason will be OK, you know? He just wants to enjoy time on his own i guess." Biting my tongue, i know exactly that isn't the reason. He's avoiding me as much as he possibly can now, maybe Robbie too.

"That's true...its not like its the first time he's wonded off without a say so and it wont be the last."
"Hmmm... anyway...lets forget all that. If he needs us he'll call us. There's nothing more than what a middle aged man hates other than being treated like a child. Besides we came on this holiday to spend time together, didn't we?" My lips place a kiss against his bicep.
"We sure did..."
"And you need the looking after...and the attention..." Teasingly my finger strokes down from his torso, brushing against the thin line of hair on his skin.
"Uh...huh..."
"Plus...we have the apartment to ourselves..."
A vibration of Robbie's moan, buzzes against my ear. "What are you suggesting, Mr B...?"
Smirking, feeling pleased with myself that I'm slowly sending him into a state before I've even started. "I'd much rather show you...then tell you." Robbie gulps by the change of my voice. He knows exactly what I'm talking about. "...Are you going to direct me to your bedroom, Mr Williams...?" Without hesitation, unclasping his hands from my waist, our fingers interlock with one another, as he begins to slowly walk me into the direction of the bedroom. I know I've already told him I'm not up to anything tonight, but i can't keep mopping around the place otherwise it will make things obvious that I'm hiding something from him and its not just something simple and easily forgotten or forgiven either. I can't lose him and i don't want him to be ill, because of stressing about me. Glancing my eyes up at the light which has been turned on, I'm in the bedroom before i know it. "...Leave it off..." Mumbling under my breath, a finger presses under his chin, bringing his lips back towards mine. Lifting his hand behind him, he fumbles around trying to find the light switch again, as our lips lock together.

Warmth fills my stomach, as our lips move in sync. I've missed this. I've missed being close to him, even if it has been only a short period of time being apart, I'm just thankful that he got the all clear and was able to come home today. Once the light goes out, carefully i push him over to the direction of the bed, where he stumbles over his own feet, dragging the pair of us onto it without breaking the kiss. Arms and legs tangle together, as my hands frantically search for the tie on his shorts. Prying open only one of my eyes, my fingers wrap around the white string which causes his shorts to fall to his ankles. "Gaz..."
Sinking to my knees to the floor, my chin rests on the top of his kneecap. "...Relax..." With a groan, he obeys my instructions. The only way i can see what I'm doing is from the gap in the curtains, allowing the moonlight to shin through. Robbie lays his head into the centre of the bed, whilst his legs wrap around the middle of my back. Hooking two of my fingers down the waistband of his briefs, with one tug i drag them to join his shorts around his ankles. My fingers wrap around his fully hard erection.
"Oh...Gaz..." He twitches in my fist, almost begging me to pleasure him. I would tease him until he cries out my name gaining me the power and satisfaction, but he's still not fully recovered and i don't think i have it in me to go on all night. Delicately i brush my lips over the head of his shaft, as my hand gradually creates friction against his pulsating erection. "Oh yes..."

Closing my eyes, i block out my thoughts, right now isn't the time to get distracted. Swirling my tongue into a circular motion. "Enjoying...?" Opening my mouth i slide his length inside.
"F...fuck...yes..." Robbie stutters, throwing his head backwards against the duvet. Raising his hips to meet my cheeks, he pushes himself deeper into my mouth, testing my gag reflexes. Still, my mind continues to cast back to my dream. A dream i would never want to speak. Sliding my tongue to the base of his shaft whilst its sitting comfortably in my mouth, a finger probes at his entrance before wiggling its way inside, causing a gasp to leave Robbie's mouth. No matter what i do, the visions of the dream are not leaving my thoughts. Shaking my head slightly, another finger is added inside, widening him. "Gary..." Wrapping my tongue around his throbbing member, my teeth skim against the sensitive skin. His voice echoes in my ears, bringing me back to my nightmare. "Gary...please..."

{The writing in Italics and bold is Gary's vision of his dream. The normal writing is reality.}

A hand tightly holds my hands behind my back, whilst my view is darkened by something placed over my head. The atmosphere smells damp and the my back of my neck feels the icy air hitting against it. Squeezing my eyes tighter, i try to ignore it again. Thrusting my fingers in and out of Robbie, before adding a third finger into the mix. "Mmm..." I grunt. The material bag is forcefully ripped from my head, allowing air to reach my mouth and nose clearly. Blinking my eyes, i try and focus on the dark room to try and figure out where exactly i am. Moving my face as close as i can get to Robbie's body, my nose nestles against the dark hair around the base of his member. Slipping my three fingers out of him, without delay i cup him in my palm, before massaging in the same speed as my mouth is working on him. A familiar voice whispers against my ear, as his hands keep a tight grip around my wrists. "I need you to keep your eyes open, Gaz. Don't want'cha to miss it." I know that voice anywhere. Its Jason. Jason Orange, yes my band mate. Doing as he says, weakly i stare in front of me, noticing something moving in the shadows. A hand hits against the floor, which catches my attention as it stays palm down onto the slab, where a small bit of light shines onto it. Feeling panicked, i stare at the hand, scanning my eyes across the tattoo on the knuckles which reads the single word 'Love'.
"Rob..." Painfully i pinch my own leg, trying to bring me out of the dream, as i continue to suck harder and faster onto him. Its no use.

"Help..." A voice is heard after the sighting of the upper limb. "Gary..." Fixing my hand back around Robbie's length, squeezing it tighter into my fist, i move my hand across it as fast as i possibly can, bringing him to his limit. Something is stuck against my lips, preventing any words or screams to leave my mouth. Jason's hands remain on mine. Slowly, Robbie crawls out of the darkness and into my view. Scratches are on his left hand cheek, as the blood seeps down to his chin. His eyes are wide and i don't fail to notice that he's completely naked. The tears drip down both of our faces, almost acting like mirrors. "Gary...Gary!" A hard push hits against my chest, but i choose to ignore it. Feeling completely helpless, Robbie's eyes roll to the back of his head as he drifts in and out of consciousness. Jason strangely lets go of one of my hands. Reaching my now free hand out into Robbie's direction, using his only remaining bit of strength, he stretches his up towards me. Just as our fingertips briefly touch one another, until he's forcefully dragged across the floor. "GARY! GARY!" He shouts loudly in my ears. Suddenly a hard knock against my head, causes me to fall backwards. Snapping open my eyes, I'm now staring up at a ceiling with a salty taste in my mouth. "Gary?! What the hell was that all about?" Crouching down beside me, Robbie's face is full of worry. Holding my head, i press my face against my hands. I'm back to reality. "I'm sorry for pushing you, you...you... just wouldn't let go of me and it was beginning to hurt. Are you OK?"
"R...Rob..." Tears form in my eyes. I can't keep this inside anymore. I can't keep suffering like this. "I...Oh...oh god...Rob..." Uncontrollably my arms throw themselves around the figure, pulling him as close as he can possibly be.
"Oh...Gary...its OK...I'm here...I'm here..." Embracing me into a hug, my tears run down his t shirt.

Chapter 26

Gary's POV

My hands run over my face, trying to absorb what Jason's just confessed. A million questions shoot through my head, causing a slight niggling pain. After a long ten minutes of silence, exhaling a deep breath against my hands i finally speak again. "D...Did... did you help him?"
Jason swallows hard, avoiding the question at first. "Gaz...please don't do this to your-"
"I said, did you help him?"
Gritting his teeth, he gently shakes his head. "N...no..." Leaning against the wall, i look up to the sky, trying to hold back the tears as much as i possibly can, right now i need answers.
"Why?"
"Gaz..." He takes a step closer to me.
"Don't Gaz, me. Tell me why not?!" Loudly i snap, causing him to stop in his actions. Deeply he sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose.
"M...Me...and Rob...we...we erm...haven't seen eye to eye during our career..."
Turning my focus away from the darkening sky, my eyes burn at the side of Jason's head. "Excuse me? Are you actually for fucking real?"
"See...i knew this would happen."
Blinking my eyes into his direction, i shake my head in disbelief. "Do you really think i would be skipping with joy after hearing this?! I'm speechless, literally speechless."
"He doesn't deserve you, Gaz. He really doesn't. You could do so much better." Jason sighs, with a slight frown forming on his face.
"Are you kidding me?! Robbie's the best thing which has ever happened to me."
"Yeah, you say that now...and he might say the same about you, but for how long? How long until his mind changes, because we all know its going to happen. Expect we were waiting for him to change his mind about the band and album, but maybe it wont come to that...instead it might be your relationship." Kicking the dirt in front of him, he begins to walk away. Anger builds in the pit of my stomach, causing me to lash out at my older friend.
"What?!" I spit, whilst grabbing hold of his t shirt, shoving him up against the building. "You're full of surprises tonight, aren't you?!"
"I'm looking out for you, Gary. You've been hurt once and we suffered from it with you. I don't want it all happening again, having history repeat itself."
"Oh, so now this whole situation is about you? Looking out for yourself? Right...so now we get to see the true colours of you. You let something like that happen to Robbie, for what? Revenge?! You're sick!"

"I couldn't step in, could i? The guy was twice my size-"
"So it was ok for him to hurt Robbie? To...to..." The words sicken me even thinking about them. "R...rape him?!"
"Robbie was and still is a tough guy-"
"HE WAS SEVENTEEN. SEVENTEEN YEARS OLD, DAMMIT!" Yelling at the top of my lungs, my fists crash against Jason's chest several times. "How the hell could a young boy defend himself from something like that?"
"Would you of helped him? After being dragged through the media like being dragged through a rose bush and then having salt rubbed in your wounds, as you quoted. Would you help him after having had that done to you?"
"Damn right i would of helped him. No matter what was said or done, even if i witnessed it happening to my worst enemy i wouldn't just sit back and let it happen, anyone with a heart would go out of their ways to help that person. You're twisted, do you know that?!"
"And you're living in a fantasy world. Don't say i didn't warn you. And don't come crying to me when he dumps you. You're making a fool out of yourself, the way Robbie treated me in the band with his harmful little jokes and childish behavior it wouldn't surprise me if i think deep down he deserved what hap-" Jason words are cut off, as my fist makes forceful contact against his perfectly chiseled jaw. "Christ!"
"You son of a bitch! You're a disgrace! Get out of my sight!" My fists clench at the side of me, whilst i watch the man scutter to his feet. Wiping away the blood from his lip, he looks at me, deep in the eyes. As much as i want to beat the crap out of him i can't let Robbie know and i can't end up in jail. He shakes his head, before trailing off into the distance. Watching Jason walk away freely without hardly a scratch on him, my breathing increases and my legs weaken from the thought of what Robbie suffered. Closing my eyes, i take slow, sharp deep breathes, whilst slowly making contact with the floor with my head in my hands.

-----------------

Two hours later than planned, i finally make my way down Robbie's corridor again, this time with a small rucksack containing some of his belongings. Looking down at my fist, i notice it has turned a purple and red colour from hitting Jason, great. peering through the small glass window of the hospital room, Howard is dozing off in the chair beside a sleeping Robbie. Giving it a moment or two, i build up enough courage to open the door. Howard's eyes are immediately drawn to me, as i drop the rucksack on a nearby chair. "Hiya Gaz."
"Ayup, mate. Mark not here?"
"Nah, he got off about half an hour ago. Couldn't keep his eyes open." He rubs his eyes with his index finger, before releasing a yawn.
"Bless him, you better get off too. Thanks again for staying with Rob."
"You're more than welcome. We'll be back tomorrow to check on the pair of you, this time i'll bring him his Minstrels which he's been banging on about." Howard laughs.
"Oh really? Thanks again, How. Send my love to Markie too." Quietly I mumble, still hiding my fist out of sight, as we exchange a friendly hug goodbye.
"See you tomoz, pal." Sleepily he grins, before leaving. My back remains facing Robbie, slowly I close the door behind Howard. At least with Robbie asleep it will give me sometime to collect my thoughts and sometime to help me hatch up a plan over having a bruised hand. After all it will be pretty noticeable to Robbie when he's wanting to hold it. Getting lost in my own world once again, a voice manages to drag me back to reality.

"Gary?" By the sound of the familiar voice, it causes me to close my eyes for a brief moment, to release a heavy sigh. "Gaz?" I tilt my head over my right shoulder, noticing a worried yet tired looking face staring back at me. Gritting my teeth, I manage to pull off enough energy to spin on my heels.
"Hello sleepy." I reply, whilst painting on a smile. "Did I wake you?"
"No, no course not. I'm far too hot to sleep anyway...besides how else was I suppose to get rid of them two, eh?" He playfully prods me. "Mark and Howard were bickering again, so I decided to sleep, at least I got a bit of peace and quiet. Like Husband and wife those two are, good thing you and Jay are the sane ones." Robbie chuckles at his own joke.
"Oh, were they? Guess its the weather." I pretend I didn't hear the last part of his sentence. To be honest me and Jason wouldn't be like a married couple, more like boxer and punch bag, the way I'm feeling about him now. Even his name angers me.

"Yeah, bloody albums cause more trouble than what they're worth." Nodding in agreement at his comment, I force out a fake looking smile, whilst sitting in the empty chair beside his bed. "Anyway...how're you?" He places a hand onto my shoulder, trailing his fingers down my arm, wanting to reach for my hand which is hidden from his view.
"I'm ok..." I shrug, resting my uninjured hand onto the metal bed railing. Robbie squints his eyes and rests his head onto his shoulder. "Just ok? You don't even look that to me...and it didn't sound convincing either..."
"Since when did you become serious?" Playfully I smirk at him.
"Since you changed me into a better man." Faintly I smile at him, quietly huffing. That makes me feel even more guilty. "So...what's wrong, gorgeous? You know you can tell me anything, right?"
"I know, Rob. I appreciate it." Gently I pat the top of his hand.
"Go on then, Captain." He grins. That grin alone sends flutters through my entire body and brings tears to my eyes. The amount of stress, hurt, pain and disappointment he's been through in his life, yet he still manages to push it all away, he's a braver man than me.
"Its...Its...er..." Do I really want to be the one to bring more of those emotions and experiences into his life? After all I've never seen him so happy before and that's not me being big headed. "I...well the thing is..." Shaking my head, I look him in the eyes, allowing a lie escape my mouth. "I...I'm just...worried about you...that's all."

In a matter of seconds, Robbie manages to hutch himself up in bed. "Come here you." Stretching his arms out into my direction, hugely he grins. "The doctor ordered a big Barlow cuddle for my medication." Biting down onto my tongue, regretting my lie ever since it was spoken, very carefully i move towards the pale looking man. My arms lightly wrap around his back, as Robbie tightly embraces his around me, allowing me to nuzzle my nose against the crook of his neck. "I love you, Gaz." Those four words immediately draw tears to my eyes, which thankfully i manage to hold back. Once the hug ends after countless minutes, Robbie glances me up and down. "You look knackered, mate. Did you get any kip before coming back here?" Weakly i shake my head, feeling sorry for myself and incredibly disappointed. "Right..." He sighs, whilst pulling back the thin sheet, revealing his slightly covered body in a hospital gown. "Take your shoes and shorts off. You need a few hours at least, otherwise we'll be getting a visit from the Grim Reaper to take you away." He jokes.

"Rob, I'm fine. Stop fussing about me. You're the one of my mind at the moment, i just want you well again, so we can get out of here."
"Yes, i know that and I am OK. I'm not dying so there's no need to fret, besides you know how much i hate fuss...you can play doctors when we're back in the hotel room, eh?" Robbie cheekily winks, whilst making room in the bed for me to join him.
Sighing softly, i kick off my flip flops, before peeling my short from my legs. "If the nurse yells at me for doing this, you're to blame." Carefully i climb into the bed, settling in the warm space next to him, causing the bed to rock slightly. "Hope its not gonna collapse with my weight on i-"
"Gary!" Gently Robbie taps my arm. "You can knock that off."
"Alright, sorry...sorry..." Rolling onto my left hand side, my back faces Robbie, as my arms wrap around my knees. Almost instant, i feel myself being pulled into a pair of strong inked arms, bringing me back into my safe zone. My heavy feeling eyes, close automatically under Robbie's touch.
"Get some sleep, gorgeous..." His breath tickles against my neck, as he plants kisses along it. Flickering my eye lids, whilst Robbie's lips make contact with my skin, the tears are no longer being held back, as they drip down my cheeks, un be known to Robbie. Rubbing his cheek against my shoulder, slowly he rocks himself to sleep, leaving me silently crying to myself. What on earth am i going to do? I can't tell him, because it would break him and bring back the memories and scars again, but i also can't continue to lie to him. Gripping tighter to his arm for support, as i continue to cry myself to sleep.