Chapter 6

Emotions flood over me making my hormones rage like a 16 year old again. Even having him in my arms will be good enough i just need to touch him, and to have my lips somewhere on his body. Gary continues to stand in the doorway shaking from the cold breeze coming from the air vent not far from his legs. Taking the chance i have i walk over to him standing in front of him leaving about an inch gap in between our bodies. His eyes travel up to meet mine our torsos now touch due to our heavy breathing bodies closing the gap completely. My hand strokes through his wet fringe sticking it up a little twirling it around my index finger. Neither of us breath a word nor do we break eye contact. For every second i spend staring at him drives me even more insane to the point i can no longer cope causing me to connect my lips to his pushing him flat against the wall next to him. His moans vibrate against my lips shooting all the way down to my legs which begin to tremble from the excitement. Gary wraps his damp arms tightly around the back of my neck pulling my lips fully onto his. You can almost turn our moans and pants into a song. One of Gary's hands grip onto the bathroom door handle trying to steady us as his emotions cause him to shake and become tense again. Gently i remove his hand from the door handle slipping it through my own hair where he begins to tug at it driving me mad.

I stroke one of my hands against his thigh tickling a little by trailing my finger tips up and down it until my hand wraps around it teasingly giving a squeeze. Doing the same with my other hand i lift both of his legs up. "W...W..wrap..them...around me..." I murmur into the kiss trying to pant for some of my breath back. Without asking questions Gary obeys my demand wrapping his legs tightly around my waist so his whole back and head is forcefully fixed against the wall.
"T...this...is...s...so...wrong..." His eyes close whilst i plant a string of kisses along his jawline and collar bone. He's right, it is wrong, but if it's wrong why are we doing it? Why aren't we pushing each other away? "B...but...it...f...feels...so right..."Gary eyes roll into the back of his head grunting louder when my tongue comes into action tracing the vein in his neck, and the stubble line on his cheeks tasting the water droplets on his skin from the shower. "R...R...Rob...I..." His breath shakes and his eyes widen with surprise at how husky his voice sounds at almost 40 years old. It's not very often Gary Barlow gets nervous not until now i've seen him act like this.
"Yes..." Quietly i whisper pressing my lips against his cheek parting them so he can feel my warm breath against his wet skin.
"P...Please...w...will...yo...you...erm...-" A knock on the door cuts Gary from his sentence. Both of our eyes shoot into the direction of the door. We freeze looking at one another wondering who it could be, and what exactly they want. This is too good to stop now.

"Rob? Are you in there?" A voice speaks from the other side of my door. Oh no. Gary looks at my surprised mouthing the name Howard. Why is Howard knocking at my door? Seriously how did the boys find out where i live?! "Come on Rob open up or i'm coming in it's freezing out here." Quickly i lower Gary back so his feet touch the floor.
Whispering very quietly only audible to Gary i nod my head to the bedroom. "I'll try and get rid of him." Gary agrees to hide in my bedroom where he sprints off to, as i make my way over to the door making sure Gary's fully disappeared before i open it.
"Finally!" Howard walks into the room rubbing his hands together blowing on them a little to warm up. "It feels like bloody Iceland out there." My head is completely on another planet thinking about the moment me and Gary were just in. "Earth to Robbie?" A hand waves in front of my eyes snapping me out of my trance.
"Huh?" I shake my head looking at a concerned Howard standing in front of me.
"Mate... are you ok? Your look a little flushed?" He presses the back of his hand against my cheek feeling my hot temperature. "Woah. Rob i think you need to see a doctor!" He notices the wet around my neck on my shirt. "You're sweating as well!" It's not sweat it's the water which was on Gary's arms when he was holding me.
"N...no How...i'm fine...honest...i...i erh...just took a hot shower and didn't dry properly that's all...so what brings you down here?" Quickly i change topic of conversation walking over to the sofa.
"Just stopped by to see you... wondered if you wanted to share a lift on the way down to the studio?" He looks around my incredibly messy flat. To be honest since Gary got here i attempted to actually tidy a few things up. "Did a bomb explode in here or something?"

"Oh...no...i just haven't had the time to sort things out yet...this being a new place an all... would you like a coffee?" Walking towards the kitchen i avoid explaining why the place is such a dump.
"Please mate. Oh and is it ok if i nip to your toilet? Bloody cold gets to you these days getting old you know." Teasingly he nudges me in the ribs whilst i fill up the coffee maker.
"Very funny... course you can." The coffee begins to boil as Howard walks into the bathroom. Noticing out the corner of my eye the bedroom door is wide open i quickly jog over to it closing it  fully just incase he spots Gary in there which i doubt he will seeing as there's no need for him to even go in there. The sound of the toilet flushing causes me to walk back over to the kitchen area to finish off making the coffee's.
"How many sugars?" I ask once the bathroom door opens again. Howard doesn't reply. "Howard, how many su-" My sentence is cut short when i see Howard holding Gary's t shirt in his hands. Shit. That's Gary's and with the look on his face he knows it is!
"Isn't this Gaz's?" He asks looking at me with a confused look on his face.

Chapter 5

The kiss becomes more intense as our lips work together and my hand crawls at Gary's chest feeling the rapid beat of his heart pound against his chest. My hand grips to his tensed bicep which i just brush my fingers against trying to relax him a little showing him everything's ok. After several minutes of kissing it soon comes to an end, as Gary breaks contact pulling away from my arms which rest around the back of his neck. "Erm..." He pinches his bottom lip inbetween his thumb and index finger looking at his knees. Trailing my hand down his back he weakens under my touch again firmly closing his eyes. 

"Are you ok?" Softly i whisper against his ear inhaling his scent which makes me shiver with happiness. Gary forces out a smile tilting his head backwards against the sofa. 

"Y...Yeah...erm...n...no...i don't know..." 

"Talk to me..?" Wrapping a single arm around his shoulder i rest my head against his. It almost feels like we're an old couple. It just feels so natural. 

He shrugs crossing his arms tensing up again. "I'm... confused... i best get off... tiredness is kicking in again." Gary sits up standing to his feet. 

"Stay here." The words roll of out my mouth before i realise what i've just said. Gary's eyes grow by my reply. "N...no... i mean.... not for that.. i'm going to take the sofa... you have the bed... i'm not after anything... honest..." Bowing my head a little i feel like a complete fool. He must think i'm a sex monster or something. Well done Robbie. 

"If you're sure that's ok?" Gary almost whispers releasing a yawn whilst rubbing his eyes. He looks like he could sleep for a thousand years. In a way i want to look after him... well for tonight anyway. 

"Of course... anything for y-..... a friend." Making my way to the bedroom i tidy a few things... well moving the heaps of clothes from the bed, so he can actually get in it. "If you need any nightwear or clothes feel free... i'm bigger than you, so i guess you'll be buried in them." 

"You're a good man Rob." Gary pats my arm walking over to the bed. "Are you sure you want the sofa? You can have the bed it is yours." 

"Honestly Gaz i'll be fine. Have a good rest." We shine each other a friendly smile before i close the door leaving it open enough for some light to sneak through. I walk back to the sofa where i wrap myself in a sleeping bag whilst laying shirtless. Words cannot describe tonight. I haven't been this happy or loved in years. Gary is someone really special even if he might regret what happened tonight it will never leave me. I'm so glad i have him back in my life.

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"Rob...Rob... are you awake?" A hand pushes against my shoulder flickering my eyelids the sunlight almost blinds me. 

"Mmmm... what time is it?" Releasing a moan as i stretch my arms up feeling my back begin to ache from sleeping on the sofa all night. 

"7am... C...Can i have a shower please?" Shading my eyes from the sunlight i notice Gary standing above me giving me a slight smile wearing one of my t shirts and his boxers. Wow. 

"S...Sure... use anything you need." I almost choke staring at him. Never before have i looked at someone in the way i do with Gary. Why have i been blind for so long? I've been an absolute idiot for ever wanting to crush and ruin such a beautiful man's life. 

"I wont be long and i'll be out of your hair... thank you." Happily Gary walks to the direction of the shower. Watching him walk to the bathroom not once do my eyes break contact from him until he closes the bathroom door. I lay my head back down resting against the sofa's arm sighing happily to myself.

Water splashes from inside the bathroom whilst i begin to get dressed. A little dressed up than what i usually do. Jeans with a white shirt leaving a few buttons undone showing off my rough chest hair. Gary hums whilst he's in the shower. Smiling to myself knowing he's happy makes me even more happy if that's possible. All of a sudden the water stops and I hear a faint whisper calling my name whilst i run my comb through my messy hair. "Rob?" The voice mumbles again.

"Yeah?" I walk out of my bedroom to find Gary shaking a little at the doorway of the bathroom wearing only a pair of boxers. Water drips from his partly naked body. Seeing him like this completely stops me in my tracks even my mouth drops open a little. 

"D...do you have... a towel?" He rubs his dripping cold arms trying to warm up a little as he stands shy looking at me. I don't even want to blink i just want to stay in this moment looking at this gorgeous man standing in front of me.  Looking at him from head to toe something catches my eye. Something i didn't expect to see. Without having a towel that meant he didn't have chance to dry his body causing his boxers to stick to his skin. Blinking my eyes a few times making sure i'm not seeing things it comes clear that the water has attached his boxers tightly to his body revealing his length which rests against his left leg. Oh my. My breathing increases rapidly. 

Chapter 4

Clattering in the kitchen wakes me up. Where am i? Sticking to the leather sofa i nervously sit up looking around the room. I must of fallen asleep at Gary's. "Morning sleeping beauty!" Howard waves at me from the sofa opposite me eating a slice of toast.
"M...Morning." I smile whilst rubbing my eyes. Wonder if any of the others saw me and Gary sleeping together cosy on the sofa? "Where's the others?"
"In the kitchen eating... do you have a good sleep?" His face drops a little into a more serious look. What if he saw me kiss Gary last night? I'm a middle aged man who's acting like a teenager for god's sake.
"Erm...n...not so good... don't feel well..." Stumbling to my feet i go to the hallway slipping my shoes back on and securing my coat under my arm before opening the front door.
"Rob?" A voice calls behind me just as i set foot outside. Tilting my head over my left shoulder i see Gary walking down the hall carrying a mug. "Where are you going?" He asks raising his eyebrow sipping from his coffee mug.
"I...er... don't feel well... thank you for last night... i'll text you tomorrow?" I continue to walk down his path feeling my heart race again the flutters have come back just by seeing him.
"Rob wait... i need to talk to you." Gary fixes his eyes onto mine making me even more nervous. He hates me doesn't he?
"G...Gar...Gary... i... i've got to go.....sorry." Not sticking around any longer i quickly leave his house.
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Once i've changed into something more comfortable just a pair of jogging bottoms and vest i order a take away. Tonight i don't feel like cooking or going out i need time to get my head together before going back in the studio with the boys.

Feeling more relaxed i switch the tv on resting my feet on my cluttered coffee table. "Fuck all on again." I mutter under my breath. For a minute or two i lay my head backwards against the sofa. What has happened in the past 24hours? I kissed Gary Barlow. On the lips. And now i can't stop thinking about him. He makes me happy i've never been like this before. Sure i've been in love with past girlfriends, but Gary... he's someone different he makes me feel young again since when have i had butterflies before? I've never experienced them not even when i'm about to go on stage. Obviously he's not going to think the same back he was drunk and wouldn't even remember the kiss anyway, so i just need to stop over thinking this.

A knock on the door stops me from my daydream. Finally it's dinner time. Walking to the door i feel for my wallet in my jogger's pocket. "Where's that gone?" I mumble whilst opening the door. "One sec mate i turn around looking for my wallet."
"Looking for this?" Hearing the voice causes me to look up. My jaw drops a little am i dreaming?! Gary smiles holding out my brown leather wallet in front of me.
"G....Gary?" Blinking my eyes a few times i look at him not believing this is all real. He hands me my wallet resting his thumbs in his trouser pockets.
"Found it on the sofa, so i thought i'd come and drop it off for you... can i come in?" Quickly i put my wallet back into my pocket closing the door a little. He can't see the state of this place!
"Erm... it's not decent... er..." My palms become a little sweaty partly from him being here. How did he even know where i live?

Gary shakes his head laughing a little. "Like i mind. I've lived with you before and the others i just want to talk to you that's all." His charming smile wins me over. How can i turn him away? Taking a few steps backwards i let him in breathing in a deep breath once he steps inside. Suddenly his face drops into a more worried look as he looks around the flat.
"How long have you lived here for Rob?" Stepping over piles of clothes he makes his way over to the sofa moving a few things, so he can sit down. Biting my tongue a little i close the door walking over to the kitchen area.
"Only a few weeks..." I lie. I've lived here for the past 6 months i just haven't cared enough to sort it out i'm surprised i even managed to get out of bed in the morning. "Want a drink?"
"No thanks..." Gary clears his throat playing with his fingers a little. He only does that when somethings on his mind.
"Anything to eat? I ordered a take away it should be here shortly."
"Rob...sit down..." Gary looks at me. Shit. This doesn't sound good.

"O...ok..." Swallowing hard i walk over to the empty seat beside Gary on the sofa. Patting my hands a little on my knees to reduce the stress my eyes slowly meet his.
"Why do you feel so edgy around me Rob? I thought we put things aside?" He runs his hand through his hair causing it to fluff up a little. Painting on a smile i look at him.
"I'm sorry Gaz... i'm... i'm just so happy we're together... i mean... the band... i'm just happy the band is together." Well done Williams make a fool of yourself.
"Is that all? You can talk to me about anything if you want? Anything running through your mind?" He places a single hand onto my shoulder making butterflies form in my stomach again. My breathing increases again why does he have such a strong effect on me? "Rob? You're burning up?? Please tell me?"
Taking small deep breathes i wipe the sweat from my brow. "G...Gaz...er...Gary...i... think... i think i'm-" Another knock sounds on the door saving me from my confession. Jumping out of my seat i stand to my feet smiling thankful for the knock. "I'm hungry. Sorry... for worrying you... i haven't eaten all day, so i've been dying for this take away." Taking my wallet out from my pocket again i go to the door receiving my bag containing the take away which i pay for.

"Want some?" I ask smiling as i walk into the kitchen.
"S...Sure... always love a good curry me." He gives me a friendly smile still twitching his thumbs together. Grabbing some plates from the bare cupboards i begin sharing out the Chinese. "Rob?" Unexpectedly Gary appears behind me making me flinch.
"Almost done. Want a drink it looks spicy." I the curry from suck my thumb not turning around.
"I need to say something."
"There's some glasses in the bottom cupboard." Trying to avoid the conversation i ignore him.
"Why did you kiss me?"

Hearing those words makes my body freeze. Completely. It feels like i've stepped outside in Switzerland. "H...Here..." I hand him the plate containing the Chinese. Walking back into the living room i sit back down with my plate on lap. Did i hear right? This can't be happening. We've only just made up we can't start arguing again. After a few minutes Gary finally walks back into the room sitting beside me starting to eat. We sit in silence the only sound is the noise of the cutlery making contact with the plates. "Sorry..." Muttering under my breath i avoid eye contact.
Feeling his eyes burn on the side of my head i continue to eat giving me an excuse not to look at him. "Are you going to explain?" If only i could say it was because of the drink. "I wasn't that drunk Rob i didn't imagine it."
"I....I was.... i was just happy... i'm sorry."
"Look at me." His voice sounds much quieter and calmer. Ignoring him again my eyes remain focused on my half empty plate. "Rob. Look at me." He places a finger under my chin bringing my eyes to meet his. We stare at one another. I haven't seen such beautiful looking eyes before. It feels like the butterflies are exploding inside of me now whilst i study his face. Those thin pink lips scream to me to make contact with one anothers. Starting to panic a little i can't keep my eyes off him. The feelings for Gary have grown even more now. "Robbie? What is it?" Gary asks looking even more worried and concerned about me.

My actions take over causing me to push my lips against his for around 4 seconds until Gary pulls away. "Rob! What the fuck?!"
Shit! What did i do that for? I've truly fucked things up now. For god sake why did i do that?! "Oh... god... G...Gary... i... i'm so... so sorry..." My hands begin to shake feeling like a rabbit in head lights. This can't be happening am i asleep?
"Calm down!" Gary places both of his hands onto my face trying to stop me from freaking out. The only thing i'm worried about is loosing Gary as a friend, and i'm pretty sure i've done it now.
"I...I'm... oh god... so...so sorry... oh..." Breathing faster i feel sick. "You hate me. Don't you? I'm sorry Gary so sorry i-" Forcefully Gary makes contact with my lips stopping me from talking. His hands remain on my face whilst his eyes are closed focused on the kiss. Is this real? Instantly my arms wrap around the back of his neck as my eyes slowly close. The butterflies leave my stomach, but are soon replaced by fireworks... exploding fireworks.

Chapter 3

Practising my smile in the mirror whilst i get dressed i can't help but to stare at myself. Who am i kidding? Look at me, i'm a middle aged man who's going out with the people i haven't been with for about 15 years. They've re formed and got to know one another all over again. Maybe i should just drop it now they're better without me. Gary invited me and the boys round his house tonight for a get together doing a bit of writing here and there. I'm not good at sticking to one thing, so how can i concentrate on being in a studio pretty much everyday? It's going to be harder than writing alone. Being solo means i decide when and if i want to go in the studio...being in a band means there's four other voices deciding. A buzzing sound snaps me from my daze. My phone vibrates on the table i take a deep breath before picking it up. "Hello?"
"Hiya Rob!" I'm greeted by Mark's cheerful voice on the other end of the phone. How do i tell him? That once again i'm letting not only myself, but the four of them down too. "I was wondering when you're getting down here? Are you ok with the directions?"
"I can't do this..." Swallowing hard i hold back the tears. I'm just a big let down. Why did they even bother speaking to me again after all i've done to them? "I'm sorry Mark..."
"Huh? We're only going to be sat round Gary's he's bought food and drinks in for us all."
"I mean.. the band Mark... i can't do it... i'm just going to let you all down again."
There's silence for a couple of seconds on the other end of the phone. "Are you busy? Can't you fit it around your schedule?"
"No..it's not that...."
"It'll take about 30 days to write this record... which means 30 days of you being in the studio with us..."
"I...I know... i mean was there any point of me coming back? You all seem to be getting along great together and with me coming back then... i guess i'm just going to be the extra piece... a good sum of the Take That fans won't want me back after what happened will they?"
"Rob... that was the past what happened in the past stays in the past. We have loyal fans surly they would of been expecting this, and who wouldn't want the old band back together having fun again... honestly do you want to do it Rob? Not thinking about us or the fans, but do you personally want to do it?" He has a point... a good point indeed. Mark's always been good with words speaking sense he gives me confidence i need.

"Y...Yeah i want to do it..."
"Have you got 30 days spare? Of you being in the studio."
"Y...Yeah i've got 30 days spare." Clearly my throat a little a take another look at myself seeing if i'm ready and good enough.
"Great let's do it then! I'll see you soon." Mark's voice lightens up again. He truly is one of the best friend's i've ever had. Can't say a bad word about him.
"See you later..." We both hang up i grab my coat using my mobile to dial a taxi. I'm ready.
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The taxi drops me outside of Gary's house. I kind of expected it to look like this. His house is huge hiding behind two electronic metal gates. Pressing my finger on the bell which is fixed to the wall's post a voice speaks. "Hello?" A strong Mancunian voice answers.
"Hiya Gaz it's Rob." Smiling to myself once i hear his voice.
"Ayup mate! Come up." The gates slowly come open enough for me to walk through. Taking my time i walk up his path to his front door, the wind blows in my face causing my hair to stick up a little almost like Jedward's. He has such a beautiful house wish i lived here instead of my crappy little flat where i can hardly move... Before i get chance to knock the door comes open. Gary stands in front of me with his typical half smile spread on his face. "Good evening sir."
"Mr Barlow." I smile walking a little closer. Gary stretches his arms out once i reach the doorstep pulling me into a friendly hug. Returning the hug i rest my chest against his shoulder smelling his after shave. We hug each other for a couple of minutes and for some reason i didn't want it to end. For the first time in ages i felt warm...i felt safe. Slowly Gary slides his arms away from my contact standing against his door a little to let me in. "Are the others here?" I ask taking off my coat and shoes. There's some chatter coming from the living room area, but that could just be the tv.

"Ah yes... Markie arrived first of course... Doug and Jay haven't been here that long." Gary closes his front door and hangs up my coat. He guides me to his living room past all the framed golden records on the wall. I didn't think the band had so many! I've never really seen them before it's been that long. "We've got a visitor."
As soon as i enter the room all eyes are on me. "Rob!" Mark grins with a wine glass clenched in his fist.
"Hiya mate."
"What happened?" Howard asks whilst i make my way over to one of the empty sofas.
"To my hair? I don't know." Laughing a little as i sit down. The smell of food coming from the kitchen swirls around my nostrils making my stomach rumble. I haven't eaten all day.
"I think it rocks." Jason grins giving me a little wink whilst pouring himself yet another strong alcoholic drink. Sadly i can't join in with the drinking party like the other lads. I'm a recovering alcoholic who hasn't had a drink for around 10 years and i'm not going to change that.
"Thanks man."
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After a couple hours of the lads drinking sending me into a hyper state with them it's clear to say they're pretty much off their heads. Well Mark especially. "WE'RE OFF OUR FUCKING HEADS SHIT AAAHH" We all shout bursting into fits of laughter. We did start writing for a few minutes the only line we thought of was although no one understood we were holding back the flood. Jason's fallen asleep on the sofa his mouth parted and the half poured wine still in his glass which remains in his hand. Howard started to do some break dancing... he got the break right after smashing one of Gary's photo frames which contained him and Elton arm in arm back in the 90's. After a good telling off by a tipsy Gary, Howard crashed out on the floor beside the sofa Jason is asleep. Mark lays face first curled up at the corner of the sofa snoring.

That left me and Gary. "Tonight's been ace Gaz!" I take a handful of Minsterals which are in a bowl on the coffee table in front of me.
"Sure has... glad you decided to come round Rob... wouldn't of been the same without you." Gary pats my shoulder his eyes are a little red from tiredness and alcohol. "I've missed this..." He looks around his messy living room smiling at each of us.
"Me too... i haven't laughed this much in ages... and being with you guys have brought the fun back into my life again." Giving a cheesy smile at Gary i can't help but stare a little. What a good looking man. I'm not surprised millions gay and straight have fallen for him.
"N'arwww you big softy." Tightly he pulls me into a hug hiccuping in my ear at the same time. "Whoops." I brush my finger tips against his back during the hug causing him to sigh happily. Once we let go again capturing eye contact for a couple of seconds.

Loud snores from the end of the room stops our little daze. "Bloody 'ell Marko." Gary laughs falling against me a little.
"How can someone so small make so much noise??" Giggling a little i wrap my arm around Gary's shoulder allowing him to rest against my chest. "Want a coffee, Gaz?" Looking down at the head resting on my chest i notice his eyes have closed. "Gaz?" He doesn't move instead he begins to snore softly. Smiling to myself i lay flat on the sofa letting him become comfier using my chest as pillow. He snuggles up to me rubbing his cheek against my chest snoring. "Night Gaz..." My hand gently rakes through his fluffy blond hair making it a little messier. For a moment i feel different... i feel happy for the first time in years almost like i found the light at the end of my dark tunnel. What is this light? Studying Gary's face i stroke his stubbled cheek where a faint smile forms at the corners of his mouth.  Never in all my life have i been this close to Gary Barlow we've fallen out for years, and now he's asleep on my chest. Gently i press my lips against his forehead which sends electrical signals through my whole body. That felt good. Really good. Unable to control my actions i move to his lips barely making contact with one anothers we slightly brush together which increases my heart rate. Tasting the remaining alcohol from his lips. Abruptly i pull away as far away from his face as possible. Did i just kiss him? Why did i just kiss him?! Could it be? Is.... Gary Barlow the light to my tunnel?

Chapter 2

Some circus acts appear on the dvd making me laugh when the guy pops out of the balloon. "Remember that, Mark?" Howard chuckles looking in Mark's direction.

"Shrup." Mark tries to ignore him focusing his eyes on the tv only.

"What happened?" I ask sounding confused, but also interested in the story. It's all starting to feel a much more relaxed atmosphere being in a room together after all these years.

"Well when we was in rehearsals... we found one of those giant balloons things back stage, so we made Mark get in... once we blew it up he couldn't get out again!" Howard bursts into laughter followed by Jason and Gary. "He was curled inside too short to push his head through!" Unable to control my laughter i join the rest of the lads. Gary holds onto my leg wiping his eyes from laughing.

"It was like playing pin ball! Mark was trying to get out and we was rolling him to one another! We love you really Marko." Gary giggles at a sulking Mark across the room. I sort of feel bad for laughing, but i sure wish i was there to enjoy the fun!

"You're all mean!" Mark tries to act serious, but fails falling around laughing instead.

We  continue watching the dvd i'm completely hypnotised by it saying "oooh!" and "Wow's" When they appear from behind the balloons like magic! Out the corner of my eye i notice the others studying my face, but i choose to ignore it. After about 30 minutes into the dvd Mark finally breaks the silence. "This is great this is..." Happily he sighs with a smile on his face.

"Only, because this is your part!" Jason points to the tv showing Mark in white with red shoes on performing 'Shine'.

"Noo not the DVD. I'm talking about us... the five of us all sat here enjoying ourselves... who would thought it? I mean look at the pair of you." Mark grins in mine and Gary's direction. Me and Gary look at one another for a second or two.

"I agree... i've missed this..." Gary adds still looking at me a little making me slightly nervous, but also extremely happy to hear those words leave his mouth.
"How do you feel about it Rob?" Howard sits up on the sofa turning the volume down a little on the tv.
Playing with my fingers a little i collect my thoughts. "I love it... i never dreamt it would be like this... lads... i've said some terrible things about you all... especially about Gaz... it probably wont mean anything, but i apologise from the bottom of my heart... none of you deserved any of that." Glancing down at my lap i bow my head feeling awful. An arm wraps around my shoulder squeezing it a little.

"Ay... i don't blame you for acting the way you did. We were all hurting and the way i acted the first time around in the band i don't blame you for hitting out the way you did. You all should of been noticed more i just wanted to be the centre of attention... i mean who doesn't? I don't know how much Mark's told you about me this time around, but things have changed i've grown up a lot we all have. We'll apart from Mark." Gary jokes giggling at Mark who just pouts back. "But seriously things are much better and a lot more fun... Can you imagine how crazy the world will go if we walk out as  a five piece? No more newspapers talking bullshit about us, and it will all be real. I don't want you to disappear Rob..." Gary tightens the grip around my shoulder a little.

"I don't know what to say... you're a great man Gary Barlow... you all are... and i can't thank you enough for forgiving me like that... i was a bastard... for making shit and jokes for attention, and it worked, but i wasn't happy... and just wanted to hurt you the way i was hurting. There's nothing more i want than to have you guys back in my life... " My eyes well up a little looking at each of the boys sitting on the sofas.
"I think this calls for one of our group hugs..." Jason suggests standing to his feet with his arms open. We all laugh also standing up before wrapping our arms around one another.

"Who are we? TAAAAKE THAAAT!" We all raise our hands together laughing away. I don't think after all this time i've laughed so much until tonight. Life right now couldn't get any better.

"This is the best feeling in the world... having my four brothers back... it might sound cheesy... but i love you guys." Shyly i smile at them.

"N'arwww you big softie!" Howard playfully punches me in the arm.
"Pile up!!" Mark bounces up and down pushing me on the sofa. Gary jumps on top of me followed by Howard then Jason, and finally Mark.

"Ow... does this mean i'm allowed back?" I chuckle being crushed by the other four boys.

"I think so." Gary winks squeezing me a little underneath him causing us all to fall to a heap in the middle of the room.

Chapter 1

Pushing the palm of my hand against the side of my cheek trying to sooth the drilling pain in my mouth. "Fuck sake." I mutter staggering into my small messy kitchen searching through the cupboards for some pain relief. Bastard tooth ache. Whilst looking through my bare cupboards the sound of my mobile ringing interrupts me. It's not often people ring me i don't really use my mobile, so only a few people have my number. Still holding my mouth i walk over to the coffee table to check the caller ID. Incoming call - Lil buddy. It's Mark and i know exactly what he's ringing for. A few days back he asked me to come down to the Highson hotel for a meet up with the other boys properly for the first time. We was going to watch their recent foursome tour The Circus and maybe discuss future plans as a five piece, but with this tooth ache and the thought of being in a room with Gary Barlow after all these years is putting my mind completely off the idea. "Hello?" I mumble biting the inside of my cheek.
"ROB!" A cheerful voice on the other end of the phone speaks. Even though i can't see his face i can tell he's doing that famous grin of his. "Are you ready?"
"Sorry Markie... i think i'm gonna have to give it a miss this time."
Mark's cheerful tone drops. "But... why? Everyone's excited to see you? Is it because of Gary?"
"N...no... i've got terrible tooth ache i'll be a miserable bastard all night." Swallowing hard i feel like i've let him down again.
"You wont we're gonna have a good laugh like we use to do..all of us together enjoying one another's company... i'll even let you laugh at me falling off my unicycle..." Mark giggles a little. "Come on Rob...for me?"
There's a couple of seconds of silence until i softly sigh. "Ok ok... i'll come... i'll take some tablets and i'll be there."
"I knew you wouldn't let me down Rob! I've rung you a taxi a few minutes ago i'm already here no one else is yet, so i'll see you soon."
So after all that he knew his pleading charm would work on me? Typical Mark. "Alright see you then."
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After a short journey the taxi drops me outside the doors of the hotel, and it doesn't look like a cheap one either. Maybe i should of dressed up more instead of wearing some trackies and a t shirt. After paying the driver i slip on my sunglasses this way i can avoid the people who recognise me, and they can avoid my fowl mood. "Yes sir?" A grinning smartly dressed female looks at me from behind the reception desk. Wow i really am under dressed tonight.
"Erm... i'm meeting some friends here this afternoon. Mark Owen's room?"
She types a few things into the computer. "Ah yes second floor room 161. You can either take the stairs or elevator."
"Thanks." I walk to the direction of the elevator before stepping inside of it. Pushing my back far against the wall as the elevator begins to move i collect my thoughts. Thinking of being in the same room as the man i've 'hated' worries me. How will Gary re act seeing me there? I wasn't the nicest person to him when i left the things i said about him were unacceptable, and i don't blame him to sort of hate me after it all. The elevator stops and the doors come open stopping me from my thoughts. It's time to face it all. Slowly i shuffle out of the elevator onto the red carpet searching for the room.

After 10 minutes i finally reach the right corridor of rooms. Room 161. Before knocking on the door i gently press my ear against it. The only sound i can hear is the tv maybe non of the others have arrived yet. At least i'll have more time to get use to the fact there's going to be five of us in a room together. Quietly i knock onto the hollow wooden door. Within a few seconds it comes open to be greeted by a grinning Mark Owen. His hair is neatly combed back into a quiff. He's wearing a white floral shirt with grey scarf wrapped loosely around his neck along with some smart black trousers and brown boots. Clearly Mark's style he's always been the best dressed out of the bunch. "Rob!" Tightly he embraces me into a friendly hug. I return it resting my chin onto his shoulder.
"Hiya mate. How're you?" We walk inside of the posh decorated room of the hotel. Mark hands me a glass of sparkling water and invites me over onto the sofa.
"I'm great! Excited more than anything, you?" He sips from his glass still smiling at me. In his eyes they look surprised that i'm even here.
"You know... been better... nervous... about all this." My eyes fix watching the bubbles pop in the glass avoiding eye contact.
"Don't worry Rob... i mean this whole thing with Gaz is in the past. Everything which happened the first time around is in the past and tonight we can all sit around laughing at our memories. We've all grown up." Mark pats my back a little making me feel a little more calmer about this afternoon.
"Yeah... guess you're right... what's Gary like these days anyway?" Trying to make time go slower i decide to ask a few questions about Gary, so i can sort of understand him how he is now.
"Gaz is great. Lovely down to earth man. We all get to have our input on the albums, songs, tours etc. He asks about what we think before putting his ideas out there. Much more controlled atmosphere and makes you want to come to work more. Its fun."

"Sounds good... how's life treating him? Is he with anyone?" I finish the last of my drink placing the empty glass onto the wooden coffee table.
"Well... he split from his recent girlfriend... to be honest it was the best thing for him.. she wasn't up to no good... controlling him. He's happy more than anything about it. So yeah... we've all changed in the best possible way."
"What is he-" A knock on the door cuts off my question. My muscles become a little tensed again.
"Excuse me a sec." Mark stands to his feet happily walking to the door. Feeling nervous again i also stand to my feet pouring myself another drink.
"MARKKOO!" A familiar voice speaks. Howard? Peering over my shoulder i notice Howard with his arms tightly around Mark giving him a quick peck on his cheek followed by Jason who copies.
"Evening lads come in!" Mark returns the hugs and kisses closing the door behind them, so still no Gary? Wonder if he'll actually come tonight.... "We've got someone special with us tonight." Mark shines his eyes into my direction.

"Bob! Long time no see mate." Howard walks over to me giving me a quick hug patting my back.
"Hiya How. It's great to see you." Nervously i smile returning the hug. "You too Jay." Again we both hug. They look great both two handsome men.
Jason smiles at me whilst grabbing a much stronger drink than me from the drinks trolley. "How's life then Rob?"
"Yeah it's great...thanks... couldn't be better." I lie biting my tongue slightly. To be honest i'm feeling lonely and miserable living alone in a poxy flat.
"Great to hear." Howard smiles grabbing a drink sitting beside me on the sofa.
Mark joins us seconds later taking off his boots. "Which one of us has the dvd?"
"Gary said he was gonna bring it. Well that's what he texted me anyway." Jason peers from the rim of his glass.

Sitting quiet again Howard looks at me whilst Mark and Jason are engaged in conversation. "Everything ok mate?" He asks sounding a little concerned.
"Huh? Y...yeah... just nerves that's all... it's all been so long...since... well you know..." A sigh leaves my lips feeling all kinds of emotions.
"We're here to support one another, Rob... i mean even Gary seemed happy that you was coming..."
"H...he did?" Another knock sounds on the door causing all of our eyes to dart across the room. It's Gary. It's got to be him. Mark once again skips towards the door opening it.
"Evening Mr Barlow! Fashionably late as usual." He jokes pulling Gary into a hug.
"Oi... i'm not you!" Gary chuckles speaking in his strong Mancunian accent. I haven't heard that accent for about 15 years. I feel like a fan about to meet their idol in all the wrong ways. "Is he here?" Gary mumbles audible to all of us.
"Yeah on the sofa." Mark whispers taking Gary's coat from him. Looking only out the corner of my eye Gary enters the room.
"Gazza B!" Howard raises his hand giving him a wave.
"'ello matey!" Gary walks over to us cradling Howard into a quick.
Jason grins from the sofa opposite us. "Where have you been Gaz? Not like you to be late."
"I forgot the dvd didn't i? So i was half way here and had to turn back... didn't expect one of you numpties to remember." Playfully Gary rolls his eyes at his fellow band members. If i didn't feel awkward before i sure do now. Sinking slowly into the sofa i continue staring at my half empty glass. Why did i ever agree to come?
"Rob...?" A voice pulls me from my day dream. My eyes slowly glance up from my glass making contact with Gary's who's hoovering above me.
"H..Hello Gary..." I clear my throat neatening myself up on the sofa. He looks great. Much slimmer than the last time i saw him. He's casually dressed, but smart with a faint smile on his face. Howard takes the dvd from Gary's hand and shuffles over to the tv on his knees.
"Can i sit down?" Gary points to the now empty spot beside me on the sofa.
Sitting up straighter i nod in response. "Course..." A very small smile appears on my face, as i rub my sweaty palms onto my trackies.
"It's lovely to see you Rob... you're looking great." Gary whispers. Hearing those words take a tone of bricks from my shoulders. I release a quiet happy sigh.
"You too Gaz..." I can't help but stare at him whilst his eyes are focused on the tv. I'm not surprised he's adored by millions. Is he even real?
Mark pushes play on the tv and the dvd begins.